Cockroaches beat mankind to Mars

In a stunning turn of events, humanity has received a mysterious and slightly cheeky message from none other than the planet's most resilient creatures—cockroaches. The message, which appeared in multiple languages across global communication networks, warned that mankind has been wasting time "lollygagging around," while cockroaches have taken bold steps to secure their future in space.

According to the message, the cockroach community has successfully invented a spacecraft and has already claimed Mars as their new home. The declaration stated firmly, "Humans are not welcome. We have the gear to protect ourselves from your pesticides, and we've watched countless hours of your stomping techniques. We know how to dodge them now."

The cockroaches went on to wish humanity the best of luck, adding a touch of ironic goodwill to their otherwise assertive message. The communication ended with an unexpected statement from a famous cockroach named "FartBox."

"Greetings, Earthlings," FartBox began. "I must admit, I will miss walking up and down walls. There’s a certain charm to Earth’s gravity and the sheer variety of vertical surfaces. It will take us quite a while to get walls built on Mars, but we’re up for the challenge."

FartBox’s comments have caused quite a stir, both for their unexpected humor and their implications. Scientists are scrambling to understand how cockroaches have managed such a technological leap, while politicians debate the next steps for humanity’s space exploration plans.

For now, it seems the cockroaches have outmaneuvered us once again, proving that resilience and adaptability truly know no bounds. As humanity comes to terms with this new interplanetary reality, one thing is clear: the race to colonize Mars has taken an unexpected and highly entertaining twist.

Artist depiction of cockroaches celebrating right now.

Satellite images of Mars enhanced with AI